some of us laugh, some of us cry, some of us smoke, some of us lie... but it's all, just a way that we cope with our life - starsailor : some of us

Saturday, November 20, 2004


guess what, i'm back again in shah alam. i reached shah alam yesterday after a trip with sohar from jb. we started our journey around 11 o'clock in the morning and we made a few stops along the way. our first stop was air keroh melaka since sohar's brother has told him to stop by at one of his relatives there. after that, we made our way to jobong's house at juasseh and later on, along with jobong, we went to mat pau's house at padang lebar. we stay at jobong's house for our maghrib prayer and dinner and continue our journey at about 8.30pm. we reached shah alam at about 12 pm and i'm completely tired although i didn't gain any control over the steering. i wonder how tired sohar was at that time.

i reached the rumah kedai without anybody inside the house. so i spent my night all alone and tired. it's been quite scary at first but after turning on the tv and some music on my pc, everythings fine. keanu show up later on this evening but he's sleeping at kolej jati as he has to study for his exam. i guess tonight i'll spend my night alone again.

ok,so i've know my result already. it's bad. that's all i could say. i don't want to whine about it. in fact, i think it's my whining all this time that's causing my bad result. i guess that's why people are so inclined to throw 'emo' inside the dustbin. i have 3 years to improve my result. that's what i'll do.

i'm so alone and depressed. hopefully taro is free to accompany me at my house tonight. only if i have his number. chiow!!

Friday, November 19, 2004

melissa? buji?

ok, so this is my first post since hari raya started. yeah, it's been quite a busy week considering that i have to 'escort' my family on every hari raya trip (eventhough some of if isn't quite a hari raya trip). i celebrate my first day of hari raya in JB, but later in the evening, my whole family (without my father) went to kota tinggi to visit my mak long. there, i have quite a pleasant conversation with my cousin, lop, which is at the same age as mine, but he's already married. it's seems quite odd when i think about people getting married at my age. well, it's none of my business isn't it?

we went to muar on the second day and visited some of our relatives. at night, i accompany acam, one of my relatives that's at the same age as mine, to batu pahat to visit his female friend along with his another friend, taqwa. but guess what, we didn't even set our foot on her house as it seems very late for a hari raya visit. so she gave us a treat at a nearby restaurant and acam sent her home shortly after that.

i went to sohar's new house in kampung melayu along with najib and fatui (both are my schoolmates) but they couldn't come to my house since i told them that my family are planning to go to kota tinggi, which are true at that moment until my father cancelled it.

tomorrow i'm going back to kl with sohar and his brother by his car. luckily i found out that he's going back to shah alam with his car or else i have to buy bus ticket, which seems impossible to be bought at normal price since i assume that all scheduled busses are already fully booked with passengers. i hope i'll have a safe journey tomorrow.

and still, i haven't obtained my final exam result, yet..

Thursday, November 18, 2004

long way to go!

xcrimson winter sky stained with memories of you from a mid-november nightx

phew!!! i dunno how they say their band name out loud without having their tongue spinning round and spray of saliva spitting out! by the way check this band out.. worth of listening la beb, even listed on as among top 100 downloaded songs. bwahahah!! but still, it aint my cuppa.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

raya countdown : 1 more day i heard that raya will be on sunday. as usual, i help my sister to 'anyam ketupat'. yes, of course i know how to anyam those ketupat. although i kept forgetting the steps when raya is approaching. besides that, we don't have any other preparation. we didn't even paint our house and i haven't even hang the 'lampu kelip-kelip' bought by my sister. maybe tomorrow. ok..i'm wishing all of you guys out there Happy Hari Raya, no matter what race u are!! enjoy!!

p/s : hey, baby (u know who i'm referring to), i can't reach your phone tonight. is there something wrong? or maybe u're at some other place? ur kampung maybe? ring my phone if in any case u'll be online tonight.

Friday, November 12, 2004

i'm down

i'm feeling down right now. down and low. once, i've figure that everything in my life will go on perfectly as planned but i fell down while reaching for the top. and then i figure out that everything will go on smoothly even if i have to climb back from the beginning but that doesn't always happen to everyone. i'm not talking about my result again (maybe i'll whine about it the same way i whine right now when i do get my result). i'm talking about my financial problem. i don't know even if it's appropriate to use the word problem. it's just i don't want to be a burden. only god knows how i feel when i couldn't find my name inside the JPA list.

we're always wanting life that's easy and beautiful but sometimes we have to consider to have something lesser than that. ther're always people that are more unfortunate, so i think i have to be thankful.

i'm feeling better right now. here i come ptptn!!

p/s : congratulation to syikin for recieving a scholarship from kpm. don't get me wrong, i don't feel bad because she got the scholarship, in fact, i'm happy for her. maybe a little bit jealous. ok, maybe i'm so so jealous but she really do deserve it. but i feel really bad when i called ypj for their convertible loan and they say that i have to wait till april next year. i haven't even paid for my first semester fee! so now you understand why i'm feeling so bad.

arafat is dead

yeah, i think it's not a ground breaking news anymore that arafat is dead. too many speculation surrounding his ill and yesterday, it's confirmed that he's dead. i dont know wether it'll make the situation in palestine much better or worse.

i didn't have much to write or maybe i'm just too lazy to put it into words. but i miss her so so much. that's all. nite nite

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

sleepy morning

"Of all the bright machinery
Love's the strangest of inventions
How could this all just turn on me?
When all I wanted was perfection
And you are
That's what you are to me
You're the brightest star when all the world's asleep"
-bic runga:election night-

i'm reading this book called more, now, again by elizabeth wurtzel which is more of a memoir than a story. inside the book, she wrote about her life as an addict. this is the second book i read about drugs addiction. the first one, written by michael burrough called junky, tells quite the same story, and it's all about depression. it shows that drugs are somewhat beautiful, but everything that surrounds it, that came after or before it, are ugly and sometimes disgusting. i haven't finish reading it though. i have to go to sleep first. zzzzzzzz......

Sunday, November 07, 2004


i'm sitting here online, while listenint to Liquid Tension Experiment. if you never heard of them, then one thing that could describe them briefly is they're awesome!! they play this experimental-progressive rock without vocals. i was reading a book while listening to this band and in no time, i stop reading the book coz i can't consentrate reading it while listening to L.T.E. they even throw in some element of metal, jazz, gothic and even some spanish kind of music. but most of all, it's rock! what a great band..

Saturday, November 06, 2004

this is us

bush won the election. everyone already knew about it. it's kinda suprising to me though coz in my assumption, kerry would won it after so much hatred towards bush were shown all over the world, even by americans. i didn't know what quality that makes him the 'popular choice' among american voters. the poll said that most american voters are scared that the 9/11 tragic incident will happen again on their soil. a video which are broadcast a few days before the election showing osama giving a speech about american policy and thretened americans that what's important is the american policy, not who wins the election. somehow, i believe that it is somekind of tactics pulled by someone to scares the american people and automatically will vote for them. it's just a wild theory though. what ever i thinks couldn't make a change in this world eh?

i guess the post below is an indication that this blog is still owned by two person. and that she isn't bothered about the '' sign anymore. so, instead of putting 'about me' in the box to the left side of this blog, i changed it into 'about us' and create a link to her profile. yeah, we use to fight. almost on every phone calls and everytime we meet, we would fight. i don't know what brought us that way. sometimes it's even the smallest matter will cause us to argue. but as she said, its always a good fight. and it doesn't make me hate her even a little.

a dot and slash and comma and whatever...

i try to sleep but i cant. so i try to write something in here while blog jumping someone else blog. well, i guess lately black is everywhere and when i'm reading this new book, its also talking about black color. and when i'm browsing few blogs here, their skins are black as well. even the colorful aesha got her blog painted in black all over. i wonder what is the color of her baju raya.
i tried to not sleeping after nazir called me this afternoon but i cant so today my record is 10 hrs. i guess the hour will be increasing if i didnt do anything about it. tomorrow, err... i mean today will be my shopping day. yes or no... i'm going.
its been raining for hours and hours. sometimes i love it sometimes its driving me nuts. i guess its one of the reason my body system goes weak. damn how could i resist the temptation of the cold crisp blanket and the soft pillow and... the yellow wall beside my bed? ahhh!!
so nazir have us this new skin (us?). i asked him what is his reason of putting this symbol "" between the word "documentation" and "of" and "mind". and he spare me the answer that i couldnt argue so i stop. lately, i am so lack of brilliant ideas to fight with him. its not that i love fighting but with him, every fight is a good fight. you can guess what its mean.
sad but true, i'm signing up again with friendster and myspace to delete it again in future. i know i have this stupid principle and live with it. but hell care, its making me feel good. well... the truth is i try to spend sometimes thrilling myself over the internet. not thrilling myself in 'that' way (dont gimme that look, okay!) but by try to get in touch with some old friends. its entertaining and sometimes get me excited seeing so many different personalities of person that i once knew.
so yeah, i'm feeling a lil sleeping now typing all this stupid words... better go before its gone!

Friday, November 05, 2004

a new (rip off) layout, again

yeah, so i got this new, simple, but kinda professional ( :p ) layout. i ripped it of someone blog, made a few adjustment and call it mine. muahahahahah! the coding is pretty simple for someone who only knows how to create a link using HTML. i haven't put up any shoutbox yet as the previous one is pretty bulky for this new layout. so until i found one, spare your thought for my new, upcoming shoutbox. hahahahah!

ok..i'm going to sleep as i've slept for only 2 hours. hope that i'm able to wake up for my friday prayer. kalo tak burn la jawabnya!

Thursday, November 04, 2004

the most pathetic post

I'm still waiting for my exam result to come out. I don't know why but suddenly I got kind of anxious waiting for my result this semester. Of course I've felt anxious while waiting for my result during my first semester of my degree in UiTM, but this time it's just different. Last time, it was like I know I'm gonna be dismissed but I kept denying the notion until it all become so clear. But now, I'm 90% sure that I'll be back studying for my next semester in UM, it's just that I'm afraid if I did do as good as I suppose to. As a person that should've learnt most of the things they teach for the first semester, I kinda have this feeling that people will look down on me if I didn't have a good grade. And I have strong feeling that I'll get the average grade for this first semester, not good grade. And I feel bad about it. It's not just today that all of these occur to me. But tonight, it seems to hit me harder. Why shouldn't I feel that way? I have the chance to further my studies but still I didn't make the most of it. I blame the system for delaying my credit transfer process, I blame my surrounding for making me lazy and I'm blaming my friends for making me feel bad. But I'm blaming everyone to escape the guilt I have inside of me. Of course it's not anybody's fault (but for sure it's UM fault for giving me false information while I'm applying for the UPU form. There's no excuse for that!!) that I have to study for 4 years to have my degree while watching my friends of the same age of mine one by one walking out of the campus life. I know that it's boring to be working, to have a career, that studying gives us opportunities to do a lot of things we can't do if we're stuck with our adult responsibilities, but boring isn't the case here. For sure we'll have to take that path, but now I'm delayed for 4 years to reach that path. I don't have to point out what people could achieve in those 4 years. And I'm not talking about money here, if that's what you're thinking about. Yes, money is a part of it, but the 'life' is what I'm more concerned about, the responsibilities I should have do to myself besides craving for money from my parents. I don't know how to explain this anymore but I have 3½ years to go. Maybe I've spoilt my first semester, but I'll try to do my best the year after. I should've been like syikin. She faces quite the same ordeal as me to pursue into the degree level, but she did what she had to do. Although I know she could do better, but I think she did great. Congrats to her.

Wow, how pathetic I am!!